Formspring? dangerous?

OMFG, im invited to all these events! sushi bar party, pool party, and beach party! and this is beautiful motivation for me to never eat and burn calories! i run for an hour everyday, i burn over 600 calories doing it cause i burn 10 calories every minute and 100 calories every 10 minutes. i ran for 2 hours yesterday and went on the bike, and today i ran for an hour. if i keep this up ill burn a pound a week, and I'm fasting!.... and taking adderall. i made a formspring so please spam it with obnoxious questions!.... but nothing too pro-Ana/Mia cause my high school will see it and it has my name and everything! so I'm only keeping it up on here for awhile so please ask away! or anonymously ask questions in my blogger comment box below. i really appreciate the communication... don't we all? I'm not an attention whore or anything! but human communication and knowing someone is thinking about us makes us wanna live a little longer

OMG THAT WAS GAY OF ME TO SAY. :)

want tips and tricks? ask that too

remember that i love you, no matter who you are, i love you. I'll never truly know your identity but i love you.

thicksporation?

thanks guys =) for the comments, they help!

okay! so i got those acai pills, which have been known to help you lose weight and all that jazz, so I'm starting it with my regular green tea with cardamom and adderall (on and off) so hopefully ill drop weight rather quickly... or just quicker. I'm supposed to be going shopping cause i feel confidant that I'll reach my goal weight soon of 100lbs, but i haven't been weighing myself, I've been going by measurements which are more reliable, but soon ill weigh myself... the scale can ruin so much for us, they can ruin our plans, and hopes, and tarnish our self esteem, the numbers are like false dreams... broken ones, like no matter how good you do the numbers don't show it, fuck 'em.

i wont weigh myself until I'm comfortable with it. I'd advice you gals to try measurements cause its more reliable <3

There is a new show coming on today, called HUGE, its about teens in fat camp and one girl (Nikki Blonsky) is a rebel and loves her weight and runs a contraband junk food black market for the kids. I'm really looking forward to it tonight, i actually find thicksporation the kind of thinsporation to keep me on track, cause its what I'm trying to avoid becoming -again. i don't gain weight beautifully like some girls, who look sexy thick, i gain weight awkwardly and in all the wrong places with cellulite galore!

some people think that all anorexic girls hate food, but i actually love food, it tastes amazing.. but i hate what it does to me, thus i starve.

what do you think the perfect weight is?

Please tell me! I'm so alone today, but in a content way. my salt water cleanse has literally left me feeling empty, i feel like i have no organs i feel so clean and simple. everyone wants what they don't or cant have and everyone hates what they already have. shall any of us ever be happy at our weight? what is the perfect weight?... please tell me? i dunno where i should aim anymore... i want to be underweight, it makes me feel powerful and so willful, even if I'm about to die...

Maybe i should get "better", but aren't i getting better at being thinner? or shall i try to be normal and healthy? i feel so fucking lazy, i go to the gym but then i wanna eat. starve starve starve. i feel like i need something... but i cant think of what the hell it is. i want In n Out, but i cant eat it cause it will go straight to my ass. when i talk bad about myself i feel like I'm gossiping about some poor child. oh, I've just ruined myself. i should be a virgin and i should be content and i should speak of no evil, and i should be a straight girl.

NAW!

I'm no slut! but I've fucked before, I'm not content but a rattled bitch, and i speak of broken treasures that i hold close and dear to my soul, and I'm a big fag.

when i was at spin class, this tiny Asian girl was spinning sooo fast but she was cheating herself because she wasn't turning up her resistance knob and all she did was stare at herself in the mirror... but what a perfect body she had! her boyfriend was obviously gay, he was prettier than her and trendy hahaha.

i cant purge anymore, i fucked up my stomach way too much and now its just, ugh. fuck.

There's a girl at my school and she's known as a "slut", i don't think of her that way but she is an attention whore... she keeps telling everyone how she's anorexic, but she's not... she's a wannarexic and she finds the idea of saying "that she never eats" (lie) a trendy and social climbing factor. oh well, she has her probs and i have mind.

so close yet so far away

(not the best me)

i went to the gym, i did a spin class with my bestie Gretchen. i then attempted pool hopping with friends (fail) and slept over at a friends home. my ex-girlfriend, who's a fugly bitch-nasty hoe and no one likes her, is also anorexic/bulimic, she's a conceited tart though and always brags of her thin weight, (she's 98lbs) but whenever i see her she's stuffing her face, she's mean to everyone, she's a fucking evil diva and i hate her. well she used to weigh a lot, when i dated her, but then she got crazy thin, and I'm not jealous at all, just because she's dirty gross obese person on the inside. i just felt like ranting about how i hate her and its funny cause we both have ED's.

i hate the fact that my family eats fast food, and the worst fast food i swear, must be McDonald's, its heinously disgusting, i think their food tastes like complete utter shit and they don't even make an effort to make it look aesthetically pleasing but make you fat fat fat, from eating a damn combo there you can gain a pound right on the spot. i haven't had fast food in forever and the only time I've eaten it was because i had to for family....

my fathers overweight, most adults are, but my dad eats his feelings... it makes me cry when i think bad about food or "obesity" cause i feel like I'm talking about my dad. he goes to the gym and is a health teacher but he still has that fatherly gut, which i don't mind, but i hate how it can be thought upon... maybe i just hate myself cause i don't want to be overweight like my father, dying mother, stepmother (die bitch!) etc. I'm ranting now aren't i? I'm actually kind of drunk.... sorry guys..... well, g'night! <3

daddy i love you please don't hate me.

I Am Thin.

I'm starting my new plan tomorrow and i plan to lose one pound per week, no excuses, I'll make it work! i have 10 weeks to change my gross mold. I'm going on my salt water cleanse tomorrow so that I'll get my weight back to 103 lbs and then burn away all my recent mistakes. i cant wait to get to 93 fucking pounds!

when i get to 100 lbs I'm going on a shoe shopping spree! and then when I'm finally near 93lbs i m going on my clothes shopping spree. i wanna rant! i fucking love high heel shoes! i fucking love tight clothes, i fucking just love to fucking look good. fuck fuck fuck. don't i sound oh so mature? my condolences...

sometimes i feel no matter how hard i try I'll never reach my goal weight... I'll just keep yo-yoing my weight... everytime before i purge, i wonder if this is the time my body will finally give in and out... my heart will fail... and i'll die a gross blob in her own filth... how pathetic... im better than this... i want to be thin, i need to be thin, i breathe, eat and live thin.

I AM THIN.

shiny plastic models

i haven't had the urge or want to post, its strange, cause i haven't been online in awhile, silly me. school is officially over for me thank fucking god! me and my best friend, Gretchen, plan to take Brazilian dance classes, Pilate's, and yoga at the gym, it'll be fun and within 8 weeks i guarantee you i will be 90-95 pounds -if i lose a pound a week, which i plan on doing. i stopped eating carbs and instead of snorting cocaine off a toilet seat i plan to take caffeine pills which work as well too, but i cant get obsessive with them or the effect will ware off and it wont speed my metabolism =)

I'm excited!!! I was in a fashion show and i modeled 2 outfits and they were gorgeous, my ass almost didn't fit in one of the dresses (one of the curses of being half black lol) I'm friends with all the designers cause I take fashion class, and i designed one of the outfits. It's hard to dress within 5 minutes surrounded by 30 girls. well, I used to want to be a model... but I'm only 5'3'' those bastards and their rules -_-

There's a girl at my school and she naturally has a fast metabolism, she only weighs like a pound less then me but she has open hips so her thighs don't touch, she has a gap that lucky bitch! we're suppose to be really good friends but her personality isn't big enough... meaning there's nothing really special about her, but all the boys love her and she complains how she wants to gain weight! BITCH PLEASE!!! you don't understand, i have to work to stay at my weight, i starve and workout and torture my body.... this bitch eats more than a whale and stays thin... i have nothing against people with fast metabolism's, just her because i feel like she's mocking me...

i want to pimp slap her, give her a backhand to the face!

Binge/purge Party of 1

Ever been to one? well, i have. all regular teen girls have binge parties. but i go to binge and purge parties. such a sad truth. my best friend Gretchen and i went to chill at her house and we ordered pizza and pasta and made crepes, and we ATE IT ALL. i didn't even really want to but i did with her. shes about 170lbs and 5'5'' and isn't bulimic though, she knows i am and the problem with that is, its very influencial. she kept trying to make me eat moreeeee moreee food and i told her i couldn't. then she said she would let me purge if i helped her finish off the lasagna with its glorious fatty oils seeping out of its corners...

I binged, we complained of stomach pains like ordinary gals and then i went off and emptied my system, it was soooooo gross and embarrassing to have her know what i was really doing. i came back and i felt perfectly fine and she lay on the floor disgusted with herself. i felt bad, and i knew what would happen. she said she was going to go throw up! i told her it was the worst addiction and that she shouldn't. well, she trailed off to the W.C. (bathroom) and came back defeated... her tongue peircing was too much in the way so she couldn't purge, thank god!

she used to be obsessed with food but i was more obsessed i guess. im glad shes healthy though... sometimes i wish she still was, having an ED is so lonely...

Penthouse floozy

okay okay, I've given up on the drugs! i shan't try cocaine nor any other narcotic. but my metabolism has slowed down dramatically without my even knowing of it -_-...

i was terrified to weigh myself and i hopped on a scale out of sheer impulse... i wont even tell you how much i gain. sooooo I'm back to fasting for a week and then building up my metab slowly the next week and so on so i can get back on track.

I WATCHED MY FIRST LADY GAGA VIDEO i think i love her, wow...that was quick... i usually try to steer clear from the media's influence but i love her style and eccentricity. i think she could do sooo much more with her fucking voice instead of the pop repetitive beats. i think i find her music videos the most interesting....

im planning to host an end-of-the-year party at a penthouse and i wanna slim down some more so i can have the privilege of wearing an American Apparel pencil dress.

i need to stop selling adderall to all these hyper visual artists at my school (I'm one of them)! but its such easy money!!!

soon when i have bitches on my expensive yacht I'll feel better about it... just kidding.

Hussel bitch

Summers closer!! and i tend to do bad things... like go into mens cars and be a total tease to them. i don't even REALLY like men, I'm a lesbian. i used to just love the attention they gave me because i was so self conscious and depressed and i craved some sort of solid love. well, this summer im just gonna be "good" no being a tease, no smoking pot. NO POT. ugh i hate pot now. i get sooo paranoid and one time i even thought i was dying and i wanted to call the hospital but i forgot how to use my phone and i forgot how to speak fucking english! i digress...

i want to date someone, but my therapist thinks i don't know what proper affection is just because of past incidents. i actually plan on doing community service, dropping 8 lbs of fat, discovering new places, and going to kickbacks and bonfires. i remember when i was 15 and it was summer and i tried to become a "sugar baby" thank god that didn't work out. i want to go shopping...

i still plan on trying cocaine once and with my trusted friend, Haley, who is uber crazy but i like her. shes Bi, everyone seems to be these days... i just want to be with a genuine girl.

NO FAKE BITCHES ON MY TRAIN. <3

Virgin no more.

I saw my lovely shrink today and she doesn't snitch on me about my food consumption obsession nor my bulimia, thank fucking god. She was interested in seeing my thinspo notebook and i showed her and she seemed shocked (obviously) im very thorough in my data of what goes in my body and what shall never enter.

i feel sooo numb at times, so isolated and lost... why cant i allow myself to be found?... or why cant anyone find me?

i wish i could tell her my true feelings but all my problems seem to have lost importance, as if i truely know that no one can do anything about Jay the 33 yr old man who stole my virginity at 15. i only wanted him to love me, i only wanted him to hold me. i wanted to be told that I WAS loved and that i was special. why didn't he just take me home and kiss me on the cheek goodbye? why did he drive to a secluded humid dead-end and fuck me in his car, and all i can remember of that place were the withering tree branches tangled in the rusty fences. Fuck you Jay. Its not my Fault anymore. Fuck you and your one syllable name. mine is two... i wish i could have my virginity back, you sick fuck, why dont i really hate you??!! why do i really hate myself, why do i feel like i raped myself?

I have 2 more weeks of bitch-nasty school =/ and all i can think about is the weight i will lose =D

i'm making a group diet plan rather than a fast. instead of everyone fasting i'm gonna try and see if i can create individual diet plans for different types of people, because WE ALL lose weight differently, in different quantities, at different rates. we all have different body types as well, so this summer i will be taking in a group of supportive, motivational, and determined girls to participate in this plan =) soon i'm gonna make different categories and whichever you think you fit in most that will be your diet plan and you'll have your own custom meal and workout plan and time limits =)

i'd prefer it to be like a support group where we can all trust each other with anything.

i've always felt isolated and tortured with anorexia and bulimia (quit bulimia!), but now we dont have to be =)

contact me on my PrettyThin profile or on this blog if your'e interested <3

One Day

I've GAINED weight. i cried naked in my bed pulling at the skin that suffocated my true thin self. where did i go? its like my disgusting body ate me. devoured me... i pleaded to my father to let me go jogging but it was very late and he claimed i was being obsessive. so the fuck what.

but then i cheered up a tad when i started making my usual work out plans and calories intake and what not. i'll never skip an adderall pill again... well... am i addicted to them? fuck that home skillet, im strong, i dont need pills. all i need is permission to go running for an hour. i used to not have running shoes and i would run wearing chucks and my feet would get soo torn up, but i didn't mind... its only working if it hurts.

My New Plan:

Monday- Sunday: 3 cups of greentea (burns 240 calories) no breakfast, take adderall, multi- vitamin.

if hungry have negative calorie veggies and fruits never exceed 200 calories.

cucumbers, strawberries, lettuce, tomato, watermelon, carrots, celery.

run for atleast 60 minutes each day for 6 days.

60 minutes of running burns 600 calories, so burn ONE pound of fat a week.

I refuse to eat. i dont want to, food is putrid now.

i know i can do it. one day ill be thin and they'll be jealous, and i wont need to hurt myself anymore...