The Air Smelled of Kissing

Has it been a week yet? well im writing now! so i think i've been surviving well, you? they found out how my teacher died, and it turns out, he committed suicide through hanging. they called the school into an assembly and it was silent. i mean complete silence, so silent it hurt my ears. the assistant principal announced that he had taken his life. its the way she said it, not suicide, not killed himself, but that he chose to take his life, everyone gasped so shockingly and subtle, it was as if someone had plucked a strand of hair. his son had committed suicide 2 years prior and his wife divorced him. i knew he had hidden his sadness, but it was strange... knowing that people felt they could go to him for their problems but he felt he had no one. before i knew it was suicide i thought it was sad that he had died all alone and that no one was there to save him, but now, i know, he wanted to die alone. he genuinely wanted to leave this life, he didn't call people or anyone and whine about being sad and that he was going to kill himself because he was so upset. he didn't want someone to stop him, or convince him suicide isn't the answer. 
the whole school was sad, and it was so cruel and shocking, that it was beautiful, to know that whatever you were feeling that day wasn't wrong, because those feelings were yours...and mine.


my therapist set up a meeting with me and my father, she told him i had an eating disorder and that i need to go to ED support groups. i was pissed that she told him, cause im not fond of group therapy, because i've never had a breakthrough in group therapy before, people just judge you, and if you've ever been in a group of girls starving themselves you'd know that secretly its a competition.

"sooooo, whos the most sick here?"

gotta go read all the missed blogs and comment comment comment!