POOR LITTLE BITCH GIRL IS BACK

OMFGGG. well im back on blogger <3 you might not remember me, my name is hannah/lola and i'm still in recovery for anorexia/bulimia nervosa. im up to a sickly 128lbs (before 99lbs) and still exercise like a weirdo. I will have to tell you this blog will be less on my eating patterns and restrictive diet behavior because... BETTER SHIT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE and you would rather here about my fun SeX lIfE and meaningless encouners with women and a big crush i have on my teacher..... ANYWAYS. I will be catching up with all of your blogs and posting lovely comments and giving you the new details of reformed life.

2010-2011:

-I dated a girl Vivienne -total heterosexual asshole, sex was boring, she tastes like a man.

-Hooked up with a 26 yr old Grad student named Monics, we shared redwine at a club and ate cheap cheese <3333 she tastes like grapes.

-Best friend fucks with my life.

-best friend slowly ruins my life.

-BEST FUCKING FRIEND makes out with Monica.

-Give up on old BFF

-have accidental sex with a girl i shouldn't have fucked because i dont do relationships anymore..and she likes me a lot... and im an asshole, and im scared of it...

-NOTICE MY FIRST STRETCH MARKS. FUCK ME IN THE (skin) FOLDS!!!

- Go on birth control because periods are for straight girls... jk (ive already earned my red wings)

- started up my schools first Gay-straight Alliance, im the president..women like presidents.

-Became a part of an activist Feminist group! PUSSY-POWER!!

-starve, fail, starve, starve, fail, get fat, starve, get fatter. die die die metabolism.

"i used to be butch and strap my tits back and play guitar hero, now all i do is starve, paint, and make love.."

truth is, im sure a lot of girls dont really like me because im too open and talk freely of my vagina, and i curse way too fucking much....

well... you should start loving the word vagina. because you have one...

Starving the Monster Inside

Well, i've started school officially yesterday! and i was so excited because during school i starve the most. as i've said many times before, my high school is on a college campus with Starbucks, fastfood, and a foodcourt with food galore, and at my school everyone apparently gain 10-15lbs (the freshman 15) their first year cause they're soooo overwhelmed by the freedom. well, im a junior and im proud to say im not one of those people. i fucking get high off of it, the fact that everyone is stuffing their faces while i silently sip my stainless steel mug (filled with green tea or coffee) secretly starving the monster inside me. it's so empowering i literally crave and feast on that control alone. its almost so empowering i want to tell everyone how i have all the control in the world or how im sooo disciplined with what goes in my body. i've fasted for so long that i feel like i cant have food in me becasue i'll ruin the purity of emptiness. i HATE the idea of solid foods in my body or weighing me down, im not even hungry anymore, what i feel now that used to be hunger, is power and beauty, something so human and natural no one can take it from me. its mine. i almost feel evil for loving this sin i've created. what has kept me going was, yes, my eating disorder. what has recently motivated me this week was my old thinspo book, its quite sad of how i thought (still think) of myself today. models dont motivate me. i motivate me. i dont need pictures. i need me.
its easy not to eat a pig when im a pig myself.
when girls at school or friends would ask, "omg, youre so skinny what do you do?! *giggle*" in my head i would say, " i simply just dont eat, but its not simple at all really, because if it was, everyone would do it." but out loud i say that im a vegan and i exercise, the typical thing you tell someone who asks you something like that.
i rolled in bed all night wishing to be a skeleton in the morning, feeling all my bones.
yours truly,
Lola's Eating Disorder
well, im off to my therepist appointment, i plan to read and comment on all your blogs ASAP i have 75 unread posts -_-  hahaha<333