-4 pounds of my ass

Its as if my lovely little bloggers are disappearing. Unless my Google reader is broken because it claims i only have 60new reads when im used to 300-something! oh well...we all take breaks... I mean I've been gone for a fuckton of time...

I'm down 4 pounds, I hope to lose 4 more pounds by January 9th, so I can at least be at 116 pounds, yeah know? I've started purging again, its a painful experience since my body had recovered from all the vomiting and internal decay, but I get one hell of a high from it.

By my birthday I should be an unhealthy 105lbs again.

HAPPY NEW YEARS BTW. I have the choice of going to three parties. No food, all booze, and a good one night stand.

My new eating schedule:

breakfast: half cup veggie soup- 60 cal

lunch nothing: rien

Dinner: one piece toast, 1/8 cup cashews -170 cal

Total: 230 cal

Exercise:

aerobics: 1 hour-600 cal

running: 30 min-300 cal

Total for the day: 770 out take

POOR LITTLE BITCH GIRL IS BACK

OMFGGG. well im back on blogger <3 you might not remember me, my name is hannah/lola and i'm still in recovery for anorexia/bulimia nervosa. im up to a sickly 128lbs (before 99lbs) and still exercise like a weirdo. I will have to tell you this blog will be less on my eating patterns and restrictive diet behavior because... BETTER SHIT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE and you would rather here about my fun SeX lIfE and meaningless encouners with women and a big crush i have on my teacher..... ANYWAYS. I will be catching up with all of your blogs and posting lovely comments and giving you the new details of reformed life.

2010-2011:

-I dated a girl Vivienne -total heterosexual asshole, sex was boring, she tastes like a man.

-Hooked up with a 26 yr old Grad student named Monics, we shared redwine at a club and ate cheap cheese <3333 she tastes like grapes.

-Best friend fucks with my life.

-best friend slowly ruins my life.

-BEST FUCKING FRIEND makes out with Monica.

-Give up on old BFF

-have accidental sex with a girl i shouldn't have fucked because i dont do relationships anymore..and she likes me a lot... and im an asshole, and im scared of it...

-NOTICE MY FIRST STRETCH MARKS. FUCK ME IN THE (skin) FOLDS!!!

- Go on birth control because periods are for straight girls... jk (ive already earned my red wings)

- started up my schools first Gay-straight Alliance, im the president..women like presidents.

-Became a part of an activist Feminist group! PUSSY-POWER!!

-starve, fail, starve, starve, fail, get fat, starve, get fatter. die die die metabolism.

"i used to be butch and strap my tits back and play guitar hero, now all i do is starve, paint, and make love.."

truth is, im sure a lot of girls dont really like me because im too open and talk freely of my vagina, and i curse way too fucking much....

well... you should start loving the word vagina. because you have one...

Deflower?

hey kids, my computers been getting glitchy, the bastard thing! i've been fasting, but late at night i crave grapes and juices. my abs are becoming more defined and i'm getting more lean muscle. yesterday was the anniversary of losing my virginity, its not like i was counting down the days but it crossed my mind, and i kept seeing men who looked like Jay. Jay was 32 and i was 15, he took me to the movies. he was supposed to drive me home but instead he drove us to this abandoned road cut off from society and i swear it seemed like we were in another world. it was a dirt road and it was summer, 100 degrees in his car. all i could see were rusty fences aligned with the road. he screwed me in his car and it was horrible. ouch. painful. he sweated all over my new dress.

i felt so far away from him even though he was in me. i never really wanted him to do the numerous things he did to me, i just wanted him to hold me. i remember crying over the phone like a little bitch to him of how upset i was that i was no longer a virgin. i was fasting that day so i was out of it, dizzy. my mouth tasted like a bare palette with no flavor of a previous meal but the mist of hunger. i wish he fucked me when i was 102lbs, an emaciated little anorexic, then if he REALLY broke me i wouldn't feel bad for ratting him out.

i didn't mean to snitch... i was being an emotional little prick who was starving! i should've shoved a chocolate bar in my fat gob! thanks for contributing to my eating disorder, when i hit 95lbs you'll see... you'll see... you'll see me...

Underage. (explicit)

im glad some people read my blog :) okay here's what's been goin on in the fantastic life of moi -_-. on fourth of july i went to the rose bowl and i met the mayor and his rich lil' white family and i sat in a private booth cause my family got VIP tickets, i binged, gained, starved and lost some weight. i last weighed myself at 115 and now went to 110lbs, thank god im getting somewhere, most of it was water weight and toxins and junk.

do i party too much? should i go to normal cupcake parties and not penthouse boozed up ones? im kind of ranting so bare with me! i want a girlfriend, thus i will get one, a shit fuck of boys want me... but what good does that do me when i go down on girls and not munch on cock? pardon my francais. Grown men get on my nerves, i hate when pervy old men hit on me, i'm basically just a kid, i used to try and use men, but that has damaged me psychologically multiple times... ever since i was 12. i don't have big tits or anything, it must be pheromones or something in the air, cause i don't see it. oh fuck what am i saying... im a total tease. some girls turn it into an art form, and i did at one time, but thats the old me i guess cause im not dating girls and not manipulating poor men craving and bingeing off their love and affection for me... but its all fake... still tastes delicious.

i should date Lady GaGa, she's Bi, and that would make me her first.... but... i'm underage, hasn't stopped me before, but i guess when im 18 and at a clear mental state i WILL fuck the Fame Monster or love her, whichever comes first... oh wow its late! my talk is gettin' raunchy. have you ever had soooo many friends but felt sooo alone? thats how i feel, cause i'm not super close to anyone... i feel like it wont benefit me if they get too close, i never hurt people, they usually hurt me, except my dad, i hurt him with my actions.... I WILL NOT GET ALL MUSHY SAD ON YOU SRY! i wish i had a comfortable amount of money where i wouldn't blow it all on something nor constantly count it... but to enjoy what i could benefit from it... like SHOES.

ciao loves <333

Lolita wonder!